Be known. Identity anchors us; it helps us relate to one another. That even in my confusion and sense of being lost, one day I will too reach the shore that God has destined for me to reach. Can’t you see that those voices only seek to chain you? Do they really think that my faith life is so immature, so lame? Let me run back to town This is way too much for just me. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. Your servant is listening. As I wrestled with all these hurts, shame, and emotions, I found myself going to the adoration room. We heard about what community is, why there is a need for community for each and every single one of us and how to accept community living. We will be providing classes for them to foster their communication skills to help them in their daily lives. What is it Lord? But when I think about my tasks over the summer, I get overwhelmed. But some days all that you see is hurt, pain and suffering. This experience was definitely exhausting and somewhat frightening but I had made the decision that I wasn’t going to quit, I wasn’t going to give up. I did this by typing a very serious, intense explanation of the reason why I made the statement, how it was in jest, and how I feel like I needed to be trusted more. I found myself waiting hallways and rooms surrounded by people screaming, pushing each other, and pushing me to the side and pushing me outside of the building. They have spent the entire year studying, working, preparing and thinking about these exams. The hope for His mission on earth is as boundless as the sea; never let the evil one cover this hope with despair. I feel like I am been productive. This waiting and this uncertainty is so uncomfortable, so painful. The results of this exam are definitely meaningful and important to the students. Names are very personal and they tell us a story. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. Ignore those many other voices that seek to paralyse you! I believe I can soar, I see me running through that open door, I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly”. "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. I was paralyzed with fears that I was letting a good opportunity to share about the importance of community life slip past me, I dreamed and wanted so badly to prove that community living is a call by Christ. The gentle lapping of the waves as they crash onto the rocks, the gentle breeze that caresses my skin… all these slowly washed away the frustration, the agitation, the confusion that wrecks my soul. But before we go into that, let us first consider one of the first Christian communities ever formed – the 12 apostles….”. If you, my dear sister, have been through or are going through this experience and all you feel like is as a sacrificial lamb - where your heart and your desires had to be placed on this chopping board of refining and molding of this young man for the priesthood, this post is written for and to you. I lock my phone and place it by my bedside, and am at once enveloped in darkness. Am I reacting from a place of fear and excessive defensiveness? Several years ago, I had a vivid dream. With that, I feel it - I feel that tiny bit of hope rising within me for all that is to come. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. the greatest thing in life is to know Him and to make Him known. I was going to do whatever it took. I can’t wait to move away from the U.S. and go to England. They bond well with their loved ones but are known to be nervous when strangers invade their spaces, making them good watchdogs. The scariest thought is if all these waiting proves to be futile in the end. To love is to be vulnerable. The call tonight is just to be still, and to allow the Lord to renew and rejuvenate me. How could they have known me for me, if I didn’t give them the permission to come close to support me and be there for me? Or about trusting in Christ?” Both topics are equally important objectively, yet what is important is what the people of God needed to hear now. Yet oftentimes, you dear Sister, who had been a huge part of this man’s life as his girlfriend/fiancé, find yourself suddenly thrust into the background – you become merely a part of his vocational story, of his background before his call. We are all very motivated to start all kinds of very exciting projects, new habits, disciplines but lack the endurance to keep at it and reach our goals. I feared that just talking about the “five loaves and two fishes”, a common gospel passage already expounded on so well by preachers gone by, would not be impactful or what the people of God needed. Be so brave as to raise a hand for help when you need it. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. More importantly, it is hard for you to believe that you have what it takes to succeed. I often get outraged at how hard life is, how much fighting is required to survive. He revealed to me the source of my despair the past few weeks, and through Fr Jacques’ words, offered me consolation and encouragement. It breaks my heart to see them to doubting their abilities, feeling already defeated by the task at hand. “Be loved. Despite their lithe builds, they are quite strong and are extremely fast. How do you respond to these stories? Be so brave as to raise a hand for help when you need it. This is the best way to share hope. Love doesn’t have to be exclusive to be real. He looks at us and acknowledges us by our name. You, like every other person in this world, have a call and a mission placed in your very precious and blessed heart. It would be probably very hard…and quite impossible. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. Be loyal to them and fight for them. As I prepare for the big move, I have been reminded that it is easy to be caught up in the doing that we forget about the being; being present, being loving and being full of life makes a difference in the lives of the people we encounter. I think it is a matter of daily disciplines, being disciplined today and the next day and the next day and the next day and keeping “our eyes on the price”. I will take the Baccalaureate exams again and I will pass. Just a simple challenge made from my friends with good intentions had triggered me to anger, frustration, and self-doubt. Here is a link to part one, I guess: Linky-link Assuming you’ve either, previously read “STORY TIMEEEEEEEE!” or you just clicked on the linky-link and skimmed through, I’ll give you a recap. The full quote reads, "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known," in essence arguing that to achieve deep relationships with others, one must bare the complexities and contradictory aspects of themselves they may not wish to share with the outside world. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. What was hilarious, was my final caveat, “& no, this isn’t a call to religious life, just random musings. Each year, each candidate’s file has to be examined and reviewed by inspectors before being officially on the list to take the exam. On the first week of school, the English teacher played that song and had the students sing it. To be fully known and loved by God = Hard Truths and Ridiculous Grace. A place where they will feel known and therefore loved, regardless of what other people may say about them. time, to breathe not to freak out. The high school completion program was launched last week and I still can’t believe that it’s happening! As if I hadn’t already made enough of a fool of myself; I’m just going to let this train wreck keep on going. What should I see in each story? Several years ago, I had a vivid dream. This had led to my friends being held at an arm’s length away from me through no fault of theirs. What I wrote about in the original reflection on the 5 loaves and 2 fishes, is what I am going through this evening. Yet my limited mind and heart finds it hard to grasp - how can He love me to the depth that satisfies my soul when He too loves every single other person in the world? But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. The call to trust, the call to be vulnerable, the call to allow myself to be known and loved. I think about it night and day, spread my wings and fly away. Scrolling through the images that popped up on google, I realised that one of the photos was mine, and it was linked to a post I wrote after visiting the Carmelite monastery. I wrote about the fears that had filled my heart then, and is again filling my heart now. I don't know you, but I want to get to know you. It is what we need more than anything. That is unreasonable. I am Delphine Kanyandekwe and I am about to embark on a life-changing journey in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. That more than just being part of a community, I have to daringly let people into my life, to see who I truly am. You were not placed in his life just so that he can become a better priest. A mission placed in his life just so that he can become better... Just too delightful who has been hard here for everyone ; time political! 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